This doesn’t mean that he is ignoring you. We’re going on 2 years together now. They know their schedules, at least for the next month. Or are there some truths to my fears? I’ve mentioned this before on this site but it’s worth saying again: if a guy is into you, he’ll make you a priority. What then? If it’s the former, then sounds like he’s not that into it and just trying to keep you around in case he gets bored. That’s all well and good. That’s hooking up! The first time we had sex is was a little awkward cause im shy and we rarely talked but the second time we did we talked and he really seemed to enjoy the sex. I just found myself in the same boat as this poor girl. Everyone has some rough phases of life during which we hate meeting people. Prince Charming swept me off my feet and seemed like a great fit in all the right ways, I wouldn’t say NO! They need “when your father gets home” parenting. Also, as one of the doctors Dennis interviewed said, not knowing their schedule is TOTAL BS. The overwhelming consensus was that he’s just not that into you. November 7, 2011, 2:33 pm. Nobody should be contactable all the time. I essentially work two jobs and I know if I was casually dating someone that I just met for 6 weeks ( his mistake was rushing the intimacy here, imo ) that I would absolutely feel pressured and put off by someone trying to wedge time into my schedule because that sets off an alarm in me that says “this person is going to want to monopolize my time” and since I like my independence and you are giving off a threatening vibe to it I am going to cool this relationship off. Because, best case scenario, he gets to see you. November 7, 2011, 12:03 pm. I would assume you were never taught if you didn't have anything nice to say don't say anything. And he did. He’s just not that into you. Maybe you happen to be someone that needs a lot of communication, and that’s ok too. This guy is married and cheating with you. He was always late. Okay, I know the frustration of being ignored. atraditionalist He said several times we should get together, but hasn’t made plans or asked me, so I invited him to a friend outing, and he was to “busy” and wouldn’t commit, so I deleted his number, He immediately texted me “but we can do something mon, tues, wed, thurs, fri or sat. Right now you are literally at his beck and call. So you know what? Yeah it would make it much easier for me and probably would for him as well I can't help it I have always been one to over think even tho I try hard not to and am working on not doing that as much but hopefully he is just busy and yes good point he use to not text me when he planned on me busy but before this he was really working on it for me and had started to get better at telling me … Alexis Meads helps one GMP reader decide. Dennis Hong I guess I have done it for a long time and I can manage easier. “He’ll send a freaking smoke signal if he has to.”. Or we could go for a walk around the block.” I asked him if that was his way of asking me to dinner on Saturday and he replied “maybe (insert winky face).” I just went about my plans and don’t think I even replied. It’s also enough time that he should be willing to do things to make her happy if he likes her, like call/text/email more frequently, or make plans, understanding that he may have to cancel. It could be a death of a family member. My boyfriend of 9 years was really busy too. Things were great when we were together, but he wasn’t making time in his life for me and want making as much effort to keep in touch when I wanted. If a person is consistently finding reasons to back out of plans, there's a chance that they are avoiding you. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. best answer? At the end of every date or time together he has followed up quickly… and now nothing. She had no control of her destiny and was truly a slave to the program. Those nonchalant includes (LOL, cool, Emojis), just an FYI. Part of me wants to tell him , in a nice way, ” hey, I feel as though you are not interested or have other things going on, either way it’s cool. What would a man think if he saw a woman who likes holding stuffed animals and hugging them in public. Friday came and I just lost it, I sent that text. I am considering that he as multiple gfs but I dunno. I emailed the doctor one morning to say that I was struggling with the amount of communication, and in the interest of “getting to know you” would he please up the communication ante. Instead of being rude don't say anything it would be much nicer. November 7, 2011, 12:16 pm. You could have replied with a “sounds good, can’t wait!” And then just gone about your business. Cross check 2 – Make sure if he is not going through some rough phase of life. Display results as threads I agree – it’s never easy to end a relationship, but it sounds like it was the right decision for you. My boyfriend of 9 years was really busy too. My recommendation? That’s all well and good. But I also understood that some of what I felt was legitimate and I needed to express it. WENDY, STOP PEERING INTO MY SOULl!!! Natasia Rose it would make things much easier, You are rude! You’re probably busy, too. In the relationships I have been in when the girl is rushing it like this she ends up trying to isolate me from my social circles and extracurriculars and is never satisfied with my time commitment to the relationship otherwise. I couldn’t picture my life traveling to see someone 8-12 a year for the next 5-7 years. Moral of the story, even if this guy is great, if he’s not meeting your needs, he’s not the right guy for you. And you don’t really need to explain anything to him since you’re not exclusive, in fact you’re just “really busy”. This happened with other friends before, and for a long time, I justified their actions and told myself that they’re just busy. Then he gets really busy at work so you haven't seen him since. Dear Wendy is a relationship advice blog. Unless he is saving the world 24/7, he has got some free time and chooses not to spend it with the LW. Before you assume this is the reasons he’s ignoring you, talk to him and find out what’s really going on. He’s not really a phone person, so we hardly ever talk on the phone. This guy has made all the room he has for you right now. No, you're not relevant enough for him to bother with being mad at you. MOA. November 7, 2011, 9:25 pm. Since then I’ve been hearing from him almost every day, usually more than once a day. The bottom line here is that you’re not getting what you need from this guy. If it’s the latter, then I’m confused about why you guys didn’t just make plans? Yeah, I agree… Sure, I already said as much earlier in this thread, but it bears repeating. Food for thought looking forward…. I dumped him in a text that friday. I often wondered if he was living on the same planet as me with all of his risk-taking, experiences, and adventures, which inspired me to make my New Year's resolution of the adventurous spirit. But at the beginning of the relationship, if his schedule IS uncertain, he should be happy to try to make plans and then have to break them if work comes up. I know for myself, when I was still in college and not really doing anything with myself, I was a bit more desperate. In conversation he will casually talk about about things you two could do in the future. Not saying this is what you are doing…but it may be the unintentional vibe this guy is getting. Playing Doctor Sometimes he does not text at all 2 days on end. how could he do this to me? He will find time to see/call/text/skype/facebook/email you. It’s been 4 weeks since we first met, 4 dates later, 2 of which he spent the night at my place. Now that I’ve graduated and have a career, my standards have clearly stepped up. Yes, this is so true. November 7, 2011, 8:09 am. These are some good basic questions and the answers should guide your next move. I met a guy in march 2015 and we went on a few dates but things never quite kicked off (he kinda fell off the radar/stopped pursuing me). And if you’re not getting your needs met, then this is not the relationship for you. Do you know he’s heading to the gym straight after work and won’t be able to answer your call? We dated for about 3 months, saw each other once a week and when I asked for more he said he couldn’t give me any more. He can text you in line at the store. End of story. It may have started out that way and the LW may have flipped out over a cancelling of plans. We have made out heavily, had sex once, handjobs and stimulations etc. November 7, 2011, 5:00 pm. LOL. We have even progressed to having “the talk”, though I hate the idea of it, and would rather have avoided it altogether, I think that relationship do sometimes need a bit of a nudge in the right direction, as long as it’s done sensitively. And I don’t respond to stupid nonchalant texts from him either. *laugh* It’s great that you feel good while around him, but feeling good apart from your partner is a vital component of a happy relationship. If he’s not, he won’t call and won’t give you “pity dates”. Don’t cry for a guy who would stand you up & not be calling to apologize the day it happened. callmehobo He probably really is that busy, but the fact that you're texting is a good sign. He does say and do all the right things when we’re together, and has expressed genuine interest and enjoyment of my company; I get the feeling that he really likes me, but is this enough? November 7, 2011, 2:39 pm, Agree 100%. We had sex and then i expressed my feelings and he said he doesn’t want a relationship. We both do what it takes for the other not to feel neglected, and it works for us. . I've known this guy for about 9 months we seen each other a few times about 6 month ago and he kinda flipped when he wasn't really ready to date. You enjoy your time together but want more and more notice to fit your schedule. Things have progressed, and I think in my favor. Is he just not interested, afraid or really too busy? They are yours and not what anybody tells you they should be. If it’s the latter, then try to make a specific date/time for a date, and if he can’t go and won’t make any other exact plans, then move on. At work. I was honest with myself and the universe about what I wanted, and literally a month later, fate sent me the love of my life who gives me all I need and more. That is one of my personal pet peeves. November 7, 2011, 12:01 pm. and what does he mean when he says ” I need to make me time for you” ????? For example, your husband could be really busy or stressed at work, or he wants to find some space in the chaos at home if you have little ones. Does my fwb want more? When he does text; they are small talks about his workouts and shit here and there during the day, then some heavily sexual stuff about my body. I think the problem with the situation is that you feel that “I’m investing everything” and later you say, “I feel so utterly isolated and lonely when I don’t see or hear from him for days a time.” I just cannot fathom getting that hooked on someone after only 6 dates! I’m into this big time! Is she avoiding me, or really busy? Hey thanks for the A2A. He has a very active social life, and is out like 12 hours each day. It could be a death of a family member. On his BUSIEST months, the latest my husband will be home is 7 pm, which leaves PLENTY of time to hang out or go out and do something. Or we could go for a walk around the block.” I asked him if that was his way of asking me to dinner on Saturday and he replied “maybe (insert winky face).” I just went about my plans and don’t think I even replied. November 7, 2011, 10:36 am. So first of all cross check whether he is really busy or ignoring you intentionally. It’s not meaningful. So secondly, cross-check and make sure that he … He pulled away after 2nd date, telling me he wanted to set expectations going forward. I think you are correct and I shouldn’t underestimate my gut feelings. One common reason that a guy does not text you back is because he is avoiding you. is it his way of saying f*** off or is he just that busy and need some space? Awesome answer, Dennis! Will.i.am Cross check 2 – Make sure if he is not going through some rough phase of life. They really aren’t. He never did. Why’d you put all your eggs in that basket after just meeting him! I’ve been on both sides of the coin and it stinks either side. You definitely cannot have a healthy relationship with someone if everything has to be THEIR way 100% of the time. I would like to say that I did feel needy and demanding for the same reasons as stated by other posts; I thought it was too early to feel so strongly for someone. He’ll send a freaking smoke signal if he has to. It’s not difficult in this modern age. I rather continue to make strides in my own personal life alone, then dragging someone that I don’t feel is ever going to reach the potential that I would like. Then go with atraditionalist’s advice and stop being so damn available all the time. But I told him I won’t want to have intercourse with him unless we are exclusive and he’s been respectful. I IMd him and I said Hey! I never expressed to him how hard it was for me, and I kept things as light and easy as possible right up until the point where we had our “talk”. November 7, 2011, 11:27 am. You can feel like perhaps he’s “too busy for me," but really he’s potentially scared of the commitment. His sister said he wasn’t home but she’d have him call me back. It could be even a financial problem. The problem is I tried calling him to see what happened but his phone was turned off. But for the record- Yeah, he’s just not that into you. LOL. Not for the same reason others are on that list (men who go to the country club more than 4 times a week, professional team sports athletes), but because the personality that makes a man a successful doctor and my personality do not mesh. Dennis Hong He was honest as well and told me he just couldn’t. Don't be too harsh. Trying to balance that, me time, and a relationship? I never know where my shoes or keys are. Landygirl The possible “3rd” I go back to hopefully meet end Oct.. time shall tell with him. Dennis Hong is a teacher of juvenile delinquents, freelance comedy writer, group blog overlord, and internet entrepreneur. After that first date, he texts you and might call on occasion. I see her in a work setting a few times a week; I consider her a good friend and might want something more, but I always have trouble getting her to hang out with me outside of work. That was my first though as well. Hey, glad it worked out for you! '”, “Haha, yeah. She wants to know if she’s being unreasonable in wanting more. What's the deal? He stood me up the week of Sept 23. He’s been attentive, making dates, really into me and then suddenly –a week before Valentine’s Day– he didn’t make time to see me. Thanks for the visual of my boyfriend in a loin cloth on a mountaintop trying his darndest to send me a smoke signal! His response was to apologize for being so distant (it was work) and that he would try to do so. My husband has always done everything in his power to show me that I’m the first priority in his life, even though he is also very, very dedicated to his job. The third time was as good. Spot on. I dumped him in a text that friday. I had one friend who planned his day down to 15 or 20 min increments. November 7, 2011, 7:12 am. I'm an old lady? Of course its an overgeneralization and every person is different. I’d be more inclined to just stop returning his texts/calls and see if he notices. November 10, 2011, 6:06 am, Yea, He already has another woman. Like they say, there’s someone out there for everyone, but I also believe, just because you believe in true loves doesn’t mean you will get the opportunity to have it.