. (very defiantly)  I am a very Proper Pig. . . . My human is here all day, no more school and . I do believe in fairies. But don’t tell him I said that. . Just call him CHIPINATOR. " I wonder if it’s too early to ask for driving lessons. Cute, funny monologue for a bubbly personality. (Jump and do karate kick while yelling Hai Yah) Ka Pow! . . Those are for my cake. A Longer Version, approximately 1.5-2 minutes, is also included in this order. . The chemical formula of Casey’s eyes is Mossy Green. . . . . "Conforming to a standard, usual, or expected". . What if my life now IS the new normal? . . . I HATE ROLLER COASTERS. Fairy Rule Number 1. . . . . . . Then we watched Bring it on again because it totally rules and decided we had to create our own Sleepover cheer. . ". (Gesture at self) . A Slightly Shorter Version, that does not include a divorce, is also included with this purchase. .". . At first the infant, Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms. . So (pull out a list) I made the “Buddy helps his Dad discover the spirit of Christmas so he can get off the Naughty List” List. Brittni is holding a livestream to save the Llamacorns. . . Help! Everyone expected another T-Ball Terror. (. As you know, Rob is the Captain of our Football Team. . Projects at school? Girls are going to see this. . ". Trust me, it’s not. . Be responsible? . Boys and girls! . Where is all the singing and dancing? A Longer version, approximately 2 minutes, is also included in this purchase. No! (Pause and look depressed) But today? Terror had turned everyone into tiny, shivering little rats. ". . I’ve been camping. Scarred for life! No problem. A Longer version, approximate 2.5-3 minutes, is also included with this purchase. " ". (Change voice to higher pitch to sound like the Mom with big terrified eyes)  “You’re in the ditch. ". One that doesn't dress up as an Avenger or is "Born to be Wild". .Seriously? I can do jazz hands! . (Looking around) What a strange place. He's the King of Soccer. . (tilt head thinking a moment) Except Dr. Suess. . . Especially when your Human wants you to keep chasing a ball ALL THE TIME. " The kids are ALWAYS asking me to give them a ride. . . . So why can't she focus on anything but that ukelele in the window and becoming the world's greatest ukelele player? “Dude, can you build a damn? A girl is captured by aliens and then dropped off in the 1950's. He wasn’t evil? . . . . . . "I am having a terrible day. . ). . We are not cuddly. A Longer version, approximately 1.5 minutes, is also included in this purchase. See more ideas about monologues for kids, monologues, teaching drama. (dramatic pause)  No one loved us. Accompanied by my goofy sidekick, I could become the NEXT BIG DISNEY STAR!!!!! A Shorter Version, approximate 1.5 minutes, is also included in this purchase. " Have you won that Nobel Prize yet? But it's a big adjustment after sleeping 100 years. .". . . . (horrified face)  Everything went wrong! Then he spends the night crying outside my window about what a bad dragon he is and to please, please forgive him. . . . It should be: (Fling yourself to stage, as if you are suffering from the heat, very dramatically put hand on forehead when you say Climate change) “It’s hot. students. . “Good morning guvnor. . A boy describes a horrible family road trip. . Mom! . And I never had the same amount of dogs at the end of the day as when I started. She tried to tell me I was the only actor good enough to do it, but this was the last straw! . .". . . . Because there was always someone sly and sinister who pretended to be your friend but was secretly trying to take over the kingdom. (Big sigh) When will they learn? . . Or maybe she was a spy and this was her last chance to see her family before she left on a suicide mission. (Looking around the room) Maybe if I eat all that icky brain food while holding an elephant? With a boy. . Script Length. (looks down and eyes bug out) And why am I so small? . . . (drop hands and dreamy expression) No, that’s not right. . . . . . Please? (start talking like Robert DeNiro in Taxi Driver and stand aggressively with attitude) “You talking to me? . Besides,  I would look cool with a cape . (Shake head looking confused) No, that’s not right. . . . What is a llamacorn? . "Does anyone know how to spell incorrigible? Ruffles. . . Tessa burst into tears, crying that a witch will eat us. But does my family support my new addiction? . . . A teacher keeps giving detention so a student plans an epic prank. Everything is not fine. No (shake head) I do not want a. Naive, wide-eyed and clueless, she tries to understand what is happening. " Sort of. . . . . . . So it’s just Duck. . . . . Brake! The suspense is killing me. Still no Mary Poppins. .But nowhere seemed to be her forever home. I know it’s supposed to be Duck a la Orange but I didn’t have any orange juice or white wine vinegar or any other ala Orange ingredients. You shouldn’t lie to little kids. "Oh dear, oh dear. It really is as big as it looks. No. (Gesture to one side with hand)  Amber Russell whose campaign is “Vote for me and my Daddy will donate a Pony to the School.” (Outraged voice) A pony? The car was barely bumped but my Mother went full out Banshee, shrieking about her poor suffering babies. What if it’s years before things go back to normal? Does my Mom love my dog more than me? No, that’s not it either. Sophisticated, (body begins shaking all over as actress attempts to stop it by grabbing an arm or holding her head, etc as she keeps talking calming) superior, and the answer to your every whim or need. Dear Fairy Godmother, Please let Justin Bieber fall in love with me. . A Longer version, approximately 1.5 minutes, is also included in this purchase. " My first day in the cornfield. Get off me! . . “You talking to me? . I love her hair. "My governess just gave me this. I keep my Google Map app on my wand. . (Look at phone) Great. Apparently I (say this in a surfer laid back hippie voice) “suck at football dude” and (say this in a clueless, cheerleader girl voice) am “A Total Fashion Disaster”. (Folds paper and put in pocket)   This is a nightmare. But I’m not sure what you say to a Princess. But he has a plan to fix change everyone's mind! It’s true I don’t have a superpower. I loved it and I think I did really well! (wide eyes with unhappy face)  The teacher, Mrs. Jack Sprat, glared at me and the kids wouldn’t stop laughing. . Remember:(speak in a dumb, deep, Hulk type voice, doing a muscleman pose) Joe Build. . I am not a girl. How do you get to Hogwarts? And totally cool. Marrying a Prince? .may I be excused? There are just clouds. Oh no, was that the TV? " This was a cat free zone. We only got as far as (say this in perky, cheerleader voice. Hello. . ". Bidding ends 6/26, 12:30pm.” . Maybe it’s not my fault. Broad shoulders, beautiful blue eyes, magnificent thighs . Fairy Dust is strictly forbidden. (make an even more determined scary face) Nothing? . . In this sassy, funny monologue, Bo Peep decides it's time to change her image. . . . I’m Simon. . So she's decided to become SUPERBLUE, The Avenging Blue Fairy. " . Where are my eggs? . It was disgusting. . . (shocked) What? (Actress jumps up in pain clutching hand ) Ow! A very funny monologue for a confident performer. . Welcome to the Circus of Wonders! . .what is that building over there? Everyone was going to love us! Was there a horse shortage at the North pole? But then the Mitchells bought a CAT! . Our coach told us we had to rehearse every day this week. . . . . Of standing in the background smiling while everyone is looking at Mickey. Does it exist? . Mom breaks her leg? What if I’m not on the list? You want some yo hos? (Smile sweetly)  My Prince is throwing a Ball for me. You can’t put that on the list. A Longer Version, approx. . . . I took a deep breath and prepared to meet my maker when the Cat said: (talk in surfer dude voice), The Cat didn’t want to eat me? . Is that Mr. Spencer's jacket? . Gerrie will write Custom Monologues to order! . It was very kind of you to think of me and share your thoughts. "My Daddy calls me his little Princess. I hate staying! . (Wait a few seconds and then sit up looking bored) This is really boring. . And an Even Longer Version with a different ending is also included. " . Ask anyone. . I watched 5 vids of scientists arguing. . . . Order . ". Except for that whole eating brains thing. " And so I said: “Proper Pigs always giggle.” (Fall down on the ground and giggle) “Proper Pigs sometimes snort. . (Sink to knees) No, no, no. Lots and lots of balls. . I happily dethrone my predecessor, Timmy Topps of Topps Confectionary who I see sitting out in the audience. Sorry I was late but an old man keeled over right in front of me and I had to do CPR for HOURS, but I totally saved his life.” . This is not going to turn out well. . . Life as an Egyptian Goddess would be awesome if your parents would ever let you actually do anything! I bet the people who live here don’t have these kinds of problems. . The munchkins are selling copies out in the lobby. . (shrug) I don’t know what I dreamed about then. ". . And that video of me making fun of my English teacher was a . The problem is that everyone else has all the good characteristics already. . Joe Mine. A Longer Version, approx. . Finally, don’t forget to stop at Scooterland where you can hop aboard and experience all the wonders of Suburbia. Oh and a helpful hint - travelers love it when you sing their directions. Bored, bored, BORED!!!!!! " ( fall down lying on your back on the stage. . . A Longer Version, approximately 1.5 minutes is also included with this purchase. " . (fall to knees and do a salaam) We are so, so sorry. maybe when we got to the top of the hill, the well would be surrounded by slithering snakes. No one ever goes in there. Dinoboy travels back in time, with his trusty sidekick T. Rex Bob, to watch over the dinosaurs and save the world from time traveling bad guys. And we have to live like this for years and years until suddenly I’m old and grotty like my grandpa. . . And spies are not much fun to hang out with. . . . (wave)  My name is Little Miss Muffet. (suddenly look out horrified) Larry! But then she finds out she is modeling winter coats. . . . . . Dear Mother and Father. Then we were supposed to draw whatever we saw in the clouds. . Much better than when you were 12.”  (Groan) That sounded terrible. I’m gonna kill myself. You know the whole off with their heads thing. I need a Ball Gown. . (place hands on hip)  Hansel! . My Mother actually grounded me from the internet. My Mom told me I can have all the Cotton Candy frapps I want as long as I pay for it. Doctor, what is wrong with me? Teachers hate that. . . My Cat started talking and she had so much to say that it took all night. Of course, being a Princess is a big responsibility. . . . . I’ve lost my Pom Poms. In one picture she was wearing these furry things called leg warmers. Besides we have nothing in common. (Give a karate kick) Hi yah! . (Spread arms in a who knows gesture)  I’m 5 years old! . Are you blind? SHRIBBLE – going vegan can’t be al that difficult ... Monologue Blogger offers a wide range of monologues from plays. Washing dishes by hand? In this hilarious monologue, Gretel sets the story straight about what really happened with the Witch and the Candy House. .". . I have to become cool. . And it’s like (pause as if searching for the right word) time stops. Hmm. . Not to rub it in, but your newest candy - the chocolate circus peanuts? . . . How are things in my kingdom today?”, (Sneaky, evil face with crouching body stance, sneaky voice) “All is well your majesty.”, (Brave, hero voice) “Then why are your evil minions trying to sneak into my castle? I dreamed about being Jasmine. BigGums? . I want that bird.” . 4 minutes is also included featuring a paragraph about prank calls. " . . . *This monologue requires no dance ability to perform. " . (shake head stubbornly)  Not this time. Just like the nuns. . . Of course, we never just sit around and watch. Your hair is lika da beautiful bowl of spaghetti and meatballs.” (Widen eyes in horror afterwards) Spaghetti and meatballs? (make a disgusted face)  Eww, gross. . . The child is talking to the spider, telling it that it can’t just move on in.