Once I resolved that the way that I wanted to honor my grandmother, Marguerite, was by standing up here today and sharing some thoughts and memories about her with you, I went through the normal preparation feelings of nervousness and anxiety about what I wanted to say. I wanted to find the perfect words with which to honor my grandmother because she was an awesome woman who devoted her life to honoring and supporting those whom she loved. I decided that one way I could do this was by collecting endearing stories, memories, and thoughts from her family and loved ones.

For example, I was going to tell you that my grandmother was a kind, gentle woman who never uttered a harsh word. In fact, her sister Patty and husband Clyde, who knew her the longest, have said that they never had an argument with her. But, I was going to balance this portrait by also telling you that in her own way, she stood her ground when she needed to. When her children were still at home, they and my grandfather forgot her birthday one year. Instead of being cross, she simply informed them upon their discovery of their mistake that they would be celebrating her birthday every day for the next two weeks and they did. She gracefully made her point without unnecessary anger or frustration.

She took a similar approach to raising her children. When they misbehaved on Christmas day one year, she warned that Santa would come back and take away all their gifts. Sure enough, when they continued to misbehave "Santa" came back and took their gifts. They were returned once the children had learned their lesson.

She guided her children not by unilaterally imposing rules but by trying to lead them to the right decision. For example, when her son John called her to tell her that he was thinking of dropping out of college, she said "you are a man now and you can make your own decisions." She then went on to explore with him what his plans would be if he stopped and where that decision might lead him. He earned his college degree shortly thereafter.

I was going to tell you of the countless hours she spent sewing costumes for David and Mary for their roller skating competitions.

I was going to tell you about how my grandmother was born on her grandparent's kitchen floor in their farmhouse in Ohio. I would tell you of the relationship she had with her sisters growing up - she was older and assumed the role of their mother first, then their sister, then their friend.

I was going to tell you about the wonderful love and laughter that my grandfather and she shared. . . about their first date over a strawberry milkshake . . . about how during their courtship, my grandfather used to ride the bus all the way over to her side of town with her after school just to make sure she got there safely. I was going to tell you that each time my grandfather left to play golf, she would sing behind him "Go get a birdie" and then often write it down in her journal when he did.

I was going to tell you that she was so intentional with her life that she paid all of her newspaper subscriptions through 2015 so she would still be here to read them.

That was what I was going to tell you. However, during the course of my preparation, my plan changed. Any of you who knew Marguerite know that she was the common ingredient in every success or accomplishment of anyone she loved. She did not need, nor even want, to be in the spot light - but it was on her shoulders that many of us stood when we were. She encouraged, prayed, counseled, and worked very hard to ensure that each person she loved had the tools they needed for success. That is why it did not come as any surprise to me when in the thick of my struggle to put together a speech, I realized that she had done all of the hard work for me. As part of my preparation, I went through the volumes and volumes of journals and notes that Marguerite kept that catalogued her ideals, values, thoughts, and faith. It was then that I realized that there is no better way to describe my grandmother to you than by simply sharing some of her with you.

On October 14, 1990, Marguerite wrote:

"Dear Me, (Marguerite to Marguerite)

As I sit here at 5 a.m., I am making a choice in how I'll do all that needs to be done.

This time of the year is very special, it can be a pressure time or it can be a glorious happy time.

This year we decided to have both Clyde's and my birthdays on the same day, October 20th at 6:30 p.m. Because Holiday Season is upon us, no matter what a hastle I get in, I will glorify it. There is so much preparation and so very many GOOD VIBES around us. The decision I've made is, I will love every minute of it. I will count my many, many Blessings. If the body grows tired and weary, I will stop and rest and if I get stressful, I will do what I need to do to get on the right track - I love my life, I feel very Blessed and Loved. How could anything not be a joy, joy, joy. Highlight the pleasure you get from anticipation of the celebrations. When the "wearies" try to set in, don't accept it. Sit down with pad and pencil. Put your feet up and sip a cup of tea, change of pace, change of scenery, change your shoes - - - be definite. REST, RECHARGE, ---

October, November, December are to be enjoyed. Be kind, good, appreciative, be firm, be loving, be definite, be faithful, give love and accept love.

Be understanding, be patient, and always be there for your Clyde, and for our children who are a great joy to me."

This is how my grandmother lived her life - with thought, prayer, love, and meditation.

Marguerite appreciated and noticed the little things in life. She was thankful for every kind gesture no matter how small. She loved and cherished her family and friends dearly and there was no celebration, event, or success by the ones she loved that was too small for her to rejoice in.

Her journal is filled with entries about casual lunches with family members - even phone calls:

On January 31, 1996 she had lunch with Clyde and her son David and her grandson Barron - she noted in her journal how much she had enjoyed their time together

On May 20, 1995, three days before a surgery about which she was very nervous, she reminded her self that Mary told her to give Clyde a hug.

On November 9, 1995 she wrote that she and Mary had exchanged phone messages. She reminded herself to call again because, as she said, she wanted to talk to her because she needed her "touch".

On March 9, 1996 she took flowers to her son's grave.

In her pocketbook was a sticky reminding her that on April 19, 1985, her grandson Barron had bought her lunch.

In her calendar was entry on February 20, 1997 that Debbie Sodaro, her daughter in law, had taken her to the hairdresser. Below the entry were the words:

"Debbie is a terrific daughter in law"

On July 18, 1995, for no particular reason, she wrote:

"My life is a Melody of love to my husband and kids "

On May 29, 1990, she wrote:

"Prayer; To use the gifts GOD gave me. Always be thankful for Clyde and his caring, sharing and energy. God, the Father, the Son. Yesterday! Today! Tomorrow!"

Shortly afterwards, she wrote:

"The most important things I can do: Clyde 1st. Always be there. Thank him. Family - never take for granit, be a help. 'Be a problem solver, not a problem maker.'"

Marguerite was a great woman who loved life, counted her blessings, and loved with all of her heart. She not only did those things but she taught all of those around her how to do them.

On Monday, the day that Marguerite died, we went to the nursing home. The people at the nursing home said that there had never been a family like Marguerite's. Someone was there to visit, check up on her, or bring her the things she needed almost every day. Her husband Clyde was able to get a smile out of her until the very end. Her daughter Mary spent countless hours holding her hand, smiling in her eyes, brushing her hair, and just being with her. Other family members tended to her every need and loved her endlessly. Yes, her family is amazing . . . but it was because she taught us so well. She taught us to love . . . she taught us to pray . . . she taught us to have faith.

After I read and considered my grandmother's words, many of which I have just shared with you, I had a revelation in my own life. I realized that I can do more. I can be more positive and less negative. I can hold on to my faith more. I can remember the importance of my family more often. I can remember that, as she put it, God is watching me from a distance . . . that I should always be a problem solver, not a problem maker. Over the last few days, I collected all of these lessons from Marguerite that were in her journals, on her walls, and in her heart and I put them in a book for all of you to share.

Then, I had a revelation about my revelation. Even though my grandmother is no longer her in body, since her death, she perhaps has made the greatest and most important contribution to my life that there has ever been. By reflecting on the way she lived her life, I have decided a new course for mine. Marguerite may not be breathing but she is living among us, with us, and in us - there is no question. Her inspiration did not stop with her mind when she became sick several years ago and it has not stopped with her death. I believe that if she was here today she would tell us what she told herself when she was dealing with her son's illness. She wrote:

"It would be easy to sink into a state of despair, but we won't do that!!

No time to sit around and mope
Get busy, be aware of all the good around you
Love God, Love yourself, and Love your family"

I know she would leave us with another of her favorite quotes:

"May tomorrow be a perfect day
May you find love and laughter along the way
May God keep you in His tender care
'Til he brings us together again"

I challenge each one of you to keep her spirit alive by learning the lessons of Marguerite and incorporating them into your own lives. She left us a very special place - learn to love it, she'll always be there.

Kimberly M. Green, May 24, 2002

Return to Marguerite Tribute

5.30.02